My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
