Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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