apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
