She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
