tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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