Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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