my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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