imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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