WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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