i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
