i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
