I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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