Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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