i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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