There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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