Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
