Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
