Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
