the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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