im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize