doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
