What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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