tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am naked and annoyed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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