dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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