You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
