I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
