The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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