bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
