she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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