Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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