One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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