I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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