I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
