Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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