I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize