There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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