Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
