My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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