i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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