If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
