Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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