If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
