I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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