Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
