We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
