I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
