six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
