You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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