She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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