If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
