Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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