She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
