i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
honey bunches of taint.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
