I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
