he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
