Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
