I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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