Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize