we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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