They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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