frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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