Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
