shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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