Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
