i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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