I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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