he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
