Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
