Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
