remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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