don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
