It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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