i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
