I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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