I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
