He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
