Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
