Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
