If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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