I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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