I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
