good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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