Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
