Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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