The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize