She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
