I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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