In the future we'll all be gay
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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