its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
