Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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