So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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