please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
