Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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