If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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