so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
