So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
