omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
