I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
