Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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