these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize