Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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