I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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