i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
