is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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