I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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