you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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