Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
