Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
