wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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