Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
