Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
