So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
