I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
