She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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