when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
