We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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