I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
